Military Healthcare

Military Healthcare
Originally uploaded by mryosemite.

Reuters
July 22nd, 2004

If you're a member of the armed forces, or if you're a family member of someone in the armed forces, you're eligible for free plastic surgery on the taxpayers' dime. That's right, members of all four branches of the U.S. military can get face-lifts, breast enlargements, liposuction and nose jobs for free.

Another related factoid, San Francisco now foots the bill for city employees to have sex changes. (This is true, I'm not making it up.)

So, here's where we stand. With a struggling economy, with health care costs rising beyond belief, boob jobs and sex changes are now paid for. However, if you're dependent on a medically necessary prescription, you can still pay upwards of $50 a pop.

What's that you say? You want laser surgery so that you won't need contacts every day for the rest of your life? Sorry, that's not covered- unless of course you choose to have a sex change, in which case I can do your eyes at the same time, after all, you shouldn't have to wear glasses when trying to look like a sexy young woman.

By this logic, if a woman was has a naturally LARGE chest, and in fact, her chest is so large that it causes back problems, a breast reduction wouldn't be covered by medical insurance. However, if she decides to go in the opposite direction, she can have her already LARGE chest made EVEN LARGER and the government would pay for it.

I wonder, when this same woman signs up for the enlargement procedure, would she be able to register her new porn star alias at the same time? Social Security and DMV could simultaneously issue new IDs; she'd probably receive them before she fully recovered.

I guess the moral of the story is that I'm quite glad to hear that schools are being eliminated so that more money can be spent on turning Thomas into Thomasina. After all, it's not like children represent our future or anything. If kids can go home to Jerry Springer reruns, who needs after school programs?