Lance for President

Lance for President
Originally uploaded by mryosemite.

Let me ask you, what do you look for in a President? Do you want a strong leader? Do you prefer a war hero? Would you like to hear the State of The Union Address without needing an "English to Bush" dictionary?

Heroic leaders are fine, but if you want the real deal, look no further, Lance Armstrong is your man. I've taken it upon myself to start the un-official "Lance for President" campaign and here's why...

Lance just won a RECORD sixth Tour de France. Let me say that again, six, six, six. If he wins anymore, they'll have to change the name to "Tour de Lance". Seriously, can you think of anything better than beating the French at their own race? Don't get me wrong, I'm not racist, but to quote Nigel Powers, "There are only two things I can't stand in this world: people who are intolerant of other people's cultures......and the French."

Sure, France gave us the Statue of Liberty and French fries, but what have they done for us lately? Oh, that's right; they stood against us when we pushed for military action against Iraq. I guess they forgot how the U.S. liberated France from Germany in WWII. You're welcome.

If Lance had been in office when it came time to invade Iraq, Lance wouldn't have tap danced around the tulips. He would have stood up in front of 270 million Americans and said, "I've decided that military action against Iraq is the best course of action- if for no other reason than to piss off the French." Admit it, American's would have cheered! We would have stood behind him united all the way. Freedom fries would have been an everlasting name change.

But wait! You're thinking, "What about all the steroid allegations that are circling around Lance?" First of all, they're still just allegations. Just because a trailer park redneck goes on the Ricky Lake show and claims that his wife is sleeping with both his brother and his father, that doesn't make it true (unless he's from Alabama and then it's a given). Don't believe everything you hear. Besides, in the end, if it's proven that Lance did do steroids, that would simply strengthen my argument. I'd just assume have a leader that was so smart, he was able to do steroids and still pass his urine tests during the peak of his career. Would you rather have someone that was dumb enough to get caught? I don't think so. I wonder, is it too late to pick Barry Bonds as a running mate?

In closing, I'd just like to summarize why you should vote for Lance. First, he's a cancer survivor that has won the Tour de France a record 6 times. Second, he's a borderline genius- he continues to pass urine tests without studying. Third, the French already hate him. How cool would it be for the President of the United States to win the Tour de France next year? That would give us bragging rights over France for years to come. And finally, the number one reason to vote for Lance? He's dating Sheryl Crow- one of the hottest 40 year olds on the planet. My hat goes off to you Lance- you've got my vote.