Pig Sticker

Pig Sticker
Originally uploaded by mryosemite.

Associated Press
August 19th, 2004

Please note: the following story is quite graphic. Seriously, read at your own risk.

West Palm Beach, Florida - An appeals court has granted a new trial to a man convicted of stabbing a potbellied pig, then blurting out in drunkenness that he wanted pork chops.

Edwin Deason, 45, was convicted of two counts of felony cruelty to animals in March 2003.

His attorney had argued that a neighbor, Bob Wehrheim, was the one who plunged a rusty knife into the pig, severing a main nerve and forcing county Animal Care and Control workers to euthanize the 50-pound animal.

Wow, I can't even START to wrap my mind around this one. Let's try to put this in perspective.

In the United States alone, according to records published by the USDA, we killed just under 9 BILLION chickens in 2001. That's an average of 24.6 MILLION chickens per day. Think about it, with a national population of roughly 300 million people, we easily consume 25 MILLION chickens per day.

In addition to the chickens, we killed 40 MILLION cows in 2001, or roughly 110,000 per day. And if it makes you feel any better, not all of these were cows, some of them were calves. Or didn't you know where veal comes from?

We also slaughtered 113 MILLION pigs at an average of 310 thousand per day. We gobbled up 308 MILLION turkeys and 28 MILLION ducks.

Now let's get down to the details. Do you know how chickens are killed? They're hung upside down by their feet, that way, when you cut their heads off, all of the blood will drain out. Oh, and let's not forget about the BILLIONS of unborn chickens that are scrambled up for breakfast each morning.

Speaking of eggs, would you like that with a side of bacon, sausage, or ham? It doesn't matter what you choose, they all come from the same hog.

Let's move on to beef. Does anyone know how cows get to heaven? There's a couple of different ways. In some slaughter houses, they cut the cow's throat with a machete. Since they're still alive when this happens (and quite panicked I might add), most of their blood is pumped out through their jugular as they "dance" around gasping for air.

But let's be fair to the cattle industry, they've agreed that the previously described method of slaughter is a bit too cruel. Instead of a machete, some slaughter houses shoot the cow in the back of the head with a large bolt. They claim that it's more humane, and truth be told, they're probably right. However, they don't really do it for the sake of the animal; they do it because a scared cow produces hormones that change the taste of the meat. Can you believe that? No joke. Between the time they cut the cow's throat, and the 10 to 20 seconds it takes for the cow to die, the scared cow actually produces enough hormones to change the taste of the meat. Hence, we use a bolt instead.

Anyway, I guess I just don't understand how a society that thrives on killing animals, can prosecute someone for stabbing a pig?

Was it a magic pig? Was it a descendant of Miss Piggy? Was it the pig from Charlotte's Web? Common, throw me a bone (or at least a pork shoulder roast).

If this guy would've been a member of a religious cult, he could have officially sacrificed the pig in the exact same manner and there wouldn't have been any problems.

Here's an idea, lets have one set of standards. If you'll start arresting fat women that order the 25-piece Chicken McNuggets at McDonalds, I'll start supporting felony prosecutions of men that stick pigs.