Sk8ter Girl

Canadian actress-musician Avril Lavigne arrives for the screening of the film 'Over the Hedge,' at the 59th International film festival in Cannes.

1. I’m not going to mention any names (I’ll give you a hint - her name is mentioned in the sentence directly above this one, she’s Canadian and her initials are A.L.) but it looks like someone got a new set of boobies for X-mas.

2. Thank you Lord for finally making someone whiter than me.

You Say Potato, I Say Furtado

I’m not sure which opener I should use…either “Whoa Nelly!” or “Holy Hotness Batman!” Either way, Nelly Furtado has grown up into a beautiful woman!

A couple weeks ago, I heard one of her songs on the radio and I thought to myself “Why did she drop off the face of the earth – I liked her music.” I know that she had a baby but good lord, give it up for adoption already and come back to the music world.

So, as fate would have it, a video comes on VH1 this morning and I’m sitting there thinking, “That kind of looks like Nelly…it kind of sounds like Nelly…but I don’t think it is.”

She used to be an ultra-petite thing that looked like she couldn’t gain weight if she wanted. Now, after a prolonged absence from the public life, she returns 2 feet taller with a bangin’ figure and softer features.

2 thumbs up! I might just have to buy her new album so that I can lick the cover. Would ya! I would! In fact, I’d jump on that like Keith’s mom on a donut cart. By the way, I went over to his mom’s house for a visit – it smelled like an ass-grenade had gone off.

I’m tellin’ ya, I’m getting all kinds of new material for the MTV show “Yo Momma”. Your mom is so stanky, I called her on the phone and she gave me an ear infection! Oh no you didn’t!

That's A Load of Bull

A bull does a somersault after getting its horns stuck in the sand during a bullfight a the Maestranza bull-ring in Seville.

Hey….wait a minute….I’ve seen this before! It was an episode of Bugs Bunny. Yeah, the bull accidentally swallows a gun and each time he slaps his tail, a bullet fires out of his horns. That was some funny shit. And looking back, I'd have to agree with Bugs...he should have taken a left at Albuquerque.

Greenpeace Finally Shows Some

A Greenpeace activist holds up a sign to protest against pulp mill pollution.

So many comments…so little blog space…

1. Why aren’t more Greenpeace protests done like this? They need to hire a permanent crew of Protest Babes.

2. It’s about time Greenpeace started showing a peace. Would ya! I would.

3. I hate to ruin this for the guys out there but… I’ve seen what this girl looks like from the front. Oh….my….god….she’s a double bagger. Most guys know what this is but just in case…a double bagger is when you put a bag over your own face in case the one over hers breaks.

4. What’s a pulp mill? Answer: Who cares? Look at that ass! Would ya? Oh wait, I already used that line.

5. Somewhere in Los Angeles, Kobe Bryant is reading the full article and he’s thinking…I’d jump on that like Jason on a Latin chick.

Paco's Tacos

Is that all you’ve got bendeho? Don’t fuck with the Jason! Dude – I’m not sure what you were thinking but Mexican food isn’t the thread that holds society together. I don’t have a 6 year old sister but if I did, I’m sure she’d be able to master the complexities of burrito making. You really need to bring more to the table.

And another thing, if you’re going to protest, don’t just take a day off from work, take a day off from the resources you suck up. If you’d stop using our schools and hospitals, my insurance and taxes would go down faster than Keith’s mom.

However, I must be admit, I’d do the same thing if I was in your shoes. The Mexican government is corrupt from the top down. The country is run by drug dealers and 50% of your citizens are in poverty. If I had the ability to get my ass over to the U.S. – I would. And since there’s absolutely nothing to stop you…who can blame you?

You pick our vegetables, you take the fast food and janitorial jobs that none of us want. You’ll do anything to survive. I respect that, in fact, I admire you! I just wish you’d quit taking my favorite fishing spot at Lake Chabot. I’ve tried calling INS but they don’t show up until noon and the fish stop biting by then. Lucky for you, I’m willing to overlook this issue since you bring so many beautiful Latinas into the country – they’re really my favorite import……would ya! I would!