Krispy Kremes

A guy at work brought in 2 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts today. They were great but...they were almost too sweet. Seriously, they were covered with more glazed frosting than a porn star at a gang bang.

Eskimo Love

This is the third seal picture I’ve posted this month! I’m doing it for two reasons. First, you can never have enough seals on your blog – it brings in the women. Second, the picture reminds me of a joke…

An Eskimo has been riding his snowmobile for several hours when it suddenly starts smoking. Without hesitation, he turns and drives it to the shop. The mechanic comes out and looks at the snowmobile. The Eskimo asks, “What do think?” The mechanic says “It looks like you blew a seal.” The Eskimo wipes his mouth and says “No – it’s just frost.”

Ring Tones

When I first started my current job, they gave me a Nokia cell phone that was PERFECT! I love Nokias! In fact, it worked so well, they decided to force a new phone on me - BRILLIANT! You know the routine....if it's not broke - FIX THE FUCKER!

I'm not kidding. This new phone has THE GAYEST RINGTONES EVER!!! (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) Well, to my surprise, there aren't any restrictions on my account. I can surf the internet and download ring tones at will...so that's what I did.

My phone now plays the theme music from "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly." When I walk down the center of town and my phone rings...everyone clears the street. They duck into stores and hide behind barns. Every once in a while, I'll shoot a horse just to throw a scare into them.

Yep, there's a new sheriff in town and his name is Jason "One Bad Mother Fucker" Tracey.

Fashion is My Passion

A model presents a creation by Ukrainian designer Roksolana Bogutskaya during Ukrainian Fashion Week in Kiev March 15, 2006.

Editorial Comment: Ya know, I've always appreciated the term "more cushion for your pushin'" but in this case, you literally have a bean bag attached to your ass.

Tea bag - good. Bean bag - bad. (Say that 5 times real fast...bean bag bad...bean bag bad...you can't do it!)

Seal Hunt

Paul McCartney and his wife pose with a seal pup in an effort to bring attention to Canada’s annual seal hunt. Seal pups aren’t actually targeted in these hunts but nonetheless, I respect Paul for making an effort.

And before we go any further, let’s get one thing straight. I’m not taking sides on this. In my opinion, whether you club a seal or you put a bolt through a cows head and grill it – to each their own. I just want to point out that approximately 10,000 people rely on the annual seal hunt in order to provide for their families. To top it off, the seal population is higher than it’s been in years. Besides, I hear they taste like chicken.

Anyway, while drumming up some public awareness for his “Please don’t beat the pretty little seal pups” campaign, it was noticed that McCartney (and his wife) actually broke some sort of law by touching/hugging the little buggers. It’s one of those “You’re interfering with the natural existence of wildlife by getting too close” rules.

I found this remarkably interesting. Apparently, Canadians believe that hugging a seal in a loving way is inappropriate…but beating it to death with a blunt club is ok – assuming it’s done during hunting season.

Canadians are….dare I say…BRILLIANT!

Job Interview

British actress Rachel Weisz, nominated for an Oscar for best actress in a supporting role for her work in 'The Constant Gardener,' arrives for the 78th Academy Awards in Los Angeles.

Editorial Comment: Rachel, you stole my heart when you played a tough but loving soldier in the movie "Enemy at the Gates". And after seeing this picture, I've only got one thing to say...."YOU'RE HIRED!"

Rear View Mirror

Similar to the message that you see on rear view mirrors, Pam needs a t-shirt that reads "Objects in my shirt CAN'T possibly be larger than they appear."

Normally, that would be quite the slogon for a single t-shirt...but in her case, she could use capital letters and it still wouldn't wrap to a second line.

Pam - I respect you...but you're too fake for my tastes. Salma is still my favorite color. Viva la Salma!

Overtime

This is a picture of Keith.

The first time we made plans to have dinner with him and his wife, my most important server failed and I ended up working until midnight.

We rescheduled the following week and again, the same server failed and I worked 'till 9pm.

Some of you probably think it's my fault since I can't keep a server running....but I know the truth...it was ALL KEITH"S FAULT.

Unless you're paid hourly and you need some overtime, never make plans with this man.

Salmon Eggs

One of the best pictures I've ever seen. If I had taken this picture myself, I'd hang up my camera and retire. If anyone can find this picture for sale, my birthday is in November.

Blue

Jason likes Salma dolled up for the Oscars!

My new favorite color is Salma Hayek.

Personalized License Plates

I hate personalized plates that don't say anything...

4CATHY - I don't care if the car is for Cathy. In fact, I'm actually offended that your family is so rich...that you give each other cars. Go fuck yourself Cathy.

BLUEBMW - Thanks, I've always had trouble distinguishing the colors of the light spectrum. Oh, and thanks for letting me know it's a BMW. It's not like you're driving one of the most recognizable cars on the planet. It's not like you have a BMW logo on each of your rims, with one on the trunk and one on the hood. Go fuck yourself Captain Obvious.

FNBLNRE - I don't know what this means and I don't think you do either. Go fuck yourself you poor abbreviatin' bastard.

Bar Scene

I can't put my finger on it... but this picture of a seal pup...well...it makes me want to go clubbing. Are there any good country western clubs around here? How about a good strip club?

Quote of the Day #1

Saw this on a t-shirt:

"The only job I need is a blowjob."

BRILLIANT!